Thesis: Does the Perfect man exist?

Ok yes I get it guys, I am a 36 year old Married Woman discussing this (omg I’m 37! 37 I say!!. My head hurts. Too close to 40). I was thinking what to write about, their is so much at the moment really, but I just wanted something a little light hearted and fun, and what can be more fun than discussing men?? (Muhahahahaha *witches laugh*)

So I’m going to look at this like a school project, and the Thesis is “Does the Perfect Man exist?”

Methodology (Don’t have a go at me, I’m really getting into this!)

For my investigation I used my Instagram followers and we discussed what makes a perfect man, and I also used media channels like television programmes, novels and netflix…

(Gosh it really is starting to sound like a school project…)

On Instagram I asked my followers “what makes a perfect man?” And the responses I got varied: here’s a few of them , and generally all of them were around the same sort of ideals

The pages do go on, but the general consensus being, respectable honest, a great cook, understanding, loyalty, supporting, you know that kind of thing….surprises you, dotes on you, gives you his heart, his t-shirt, his credit card, his soul…. ( Ok, ok maybe not the soul, but the rest will do)…

For my first case study I will be using Joe From YOU

Joe From 'You' Just Got Creepier—Netflix Releases Video Without ...

Stalker, Pervert, Murderer, Sociopath, Abusive, Self obsesessed just a few of his stronger personality traits here (*rolls eyes*)…… and yet I would date him in a second…. Did I just say that aloud? Yes I did! I did, and its ok to say it out aloud girls…. because you would too! (don’t lie)

I mean if we put all of this aside (I cant believe I am saying this!) he is a great guy- the best guy, evan Perfect…..he is sensitive, he remembers birthday, anniversaries, he knows your likes, dislikes, cooks, cleans, he gets to know your friends, ( he ticks all the above instagram responses) and…….. he even kills the people you dont like. (How can you not love him?!!) Just minus the murdering part and the glass box…. and we found him. The perfect candidate. The Perfect Man…….(kinda)

Case Study 2: Christian Gray, 50 Shades

Christian Grey's Background in Fifty Shades of Grey | POPSUGAR ...

I am definately more of a Joe fan, than a Christian Gray. Actually I DEPISE Christain Grey……. but I know how populer he is with the ladies. So why is he considered ‘perfect?’…. Once again he is sensitive, emotional, rugged, assertive, confidence overload, dominant….Rich! Rich I Say and that gives him Power.. Who buys thier girlfriend a brand spanking new Audi on the first date?…. Urm Christian Grey does….(Bonus!)

So once again we have the perfect candidate, we just have to put aside the fact that he is a stalker, pervert with psychological issues with make him controlling and manipulative, and dominant….. That’s all….. Simples. ( I’m going to move quickly along to our next perfect man, because I have issues with this novel. Big issues! )

Case Study 3: Peaky Blinders- Tommy Selby

6 reasons why Cillian Murphy would make an incredible James Bond

By order of the Peaky Blinders…. (hehe- had to be done)…..I nominate Tommy Selby for our third case….. We women are always looking for the perfect man, and yet we Think Tommy Selby is one?…. urm, lets put aside the whole drug, murdering, taking peoples eyes out with the razor thing, im sure we can let the ‘little’ details ‘slide’ right?. He is a solid family man, with family values, looks after the family, hes strong, powerful, definately loyal when in love, and ….urm…. just dont mess with the family, or the business…and there you go ….. The perfect man.

The world is full of ‘Perfect’ Men. We just have to find them (and not think of the bad stuff)

I think that’s enough case studies for today? You guys are getting my gist right.


Now lets look at this more clearly, and a little less of the humour side of things.

As women we are subjected to these images of men. I know loving Joe is wrong, but the whole screenplay make me sympathise with him, I actually laugh at his ‘crazy’, I emphatised when he kills people, because ‘bless him’ what could he do?! (OMG. I said that!)…… Tell me how lame do I sound!!! I feel lame writing it, but yet I feel that way and that needs expressing. The fact that the director allows us to see Joe’s thought processing is the reason we feel this way…… but why oh why? Its still Wrong!

I used Christian Gray by purpose- I would generally like to think that someone of my age can see right through Christian Gray and all the ‘wrongs’ in that relaitionship- however I do know that teenagers are obsessed with him and some women even older, and the whole- its not porn because its a book logic (fails me *rolls eyes*)but we are subjected to these kind of men in books, in our screen, in everything, men that need loving, the characters play on the womens natural habitat of caring and mothering and trying to fix a lost soul…….and these characters are being romantised….. so instead of running a mile, we stay and put up. Endings in books are always great, in reality its a longer struggle and hurdle, some more so than others.

The reality is, although we are subjected to this every living day of our lives, would we really read books that were simple and straightforward? Watch programmes where a man and women fall in love and stay together… forever….No. So although I am complaining that we are subjected to this, I also want a ‘little‘ bit of Joe and Tommy Selby in my life, just a little, a minute amount, maybe you know have CBD as medicinal rather than as a addiction kinda little, you know the little gangsta in us (to help aid our tired arms and legs).

Movies, Books play on what the readers want, what sells, and it seems Christian Gray, Joe and Tommy Selby are hot on the market, all for the wrong reasons…. but its working


So in reality its time to stop looking for the perfect man, and just deal with the one sitting on the couch scratching his underarms. I mean he could have been a psycho over dominant murdering drug lord, but instead he has a day job, and remembers to bring the milk home (when you ask). How lovely. What more could you want? (** dont answer that!)

Love and Regards


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Ertugrul Themed Charity Event for The City Retreat

10 days before Boris grounded us, we were planning a charity event due to last years success. We had our pens and papers out, put our thinking caps on, and started thinking of themes, who we would choose to sponser us, ticket prices, how much we were aiming to make for the charity, how much we would need from our own pockets. It was crazy because now the pressure was worse. We had to beat last year’s event to keep our status.

The event would have been on this weekend coming. However God had another plan for us

For our initial trial we put up a post on instagram to ask our followers if they would be interested, the response was crazy, it would be silly of us not to do anything….. and evan more silly if we didn’t go all out again.

I was sopposed to write a post about the organising and planning of our new upcoming event…. instead I am left to tell you a little of the madness that happened last year….

The venue we used is the City Retreat, as this was who we were raising money for. The City Retreat is a model centre located in the heart of Leicester city providing a warm, inviting and vibrant space to bring people from all walks of life together to explore, discuss and share faith, values and common humanity. More information on the retreat can be found here

The theme we decided on last year was ‘Ertugrul’ because we ourselves are Ertugrul crazy- and we can only put passion into something we love. Ertugrul for all the people that dont know (seriously how do you guys sleep at night?!) is a turkish series on netflix on the founders of the Ottoman Empire. It is the life of Osman’s ( the founder) father – Ertrugul and grandfather Suleyman Shah. It has a lot of real life events in it aswell as fictational as you gotta keep the viewers entertained right? But damn is it Good! and Addictive! and Obsessive. For all the Game of Thrones fan- Ertugrul is for you- it is Game of Thrones -Halalified! (meaning minus the nudity).

This was actually our first time hosting a full on party. We are event planners and we have catered for weddings with 1000 plus people…. but this was different. This wasnt just putting up a display that wowed people and walking away…. we had to keep our guests entertained throughout. And that is something I cant do….. I can write, ill carry on for years writing, but speaking to people, a group of people. Looking at me. Waiting for me to speak. Looking at me. Speaking Out loud. Looking at me…….. (*Breathes*) …..I go blank.

For the event we needed Guest speakers, we needed ‘Insta Famous’/ or Influencers to pull the crowd in and we needed Food! Tick those 3 boxes and Hey Presto- we had a sucessful charity event!

And heres a little of how it went:

Our poster went out 3 weeks before the event, just to get the engagement and curiosity in. We stuck Halime Sultan on the front because she is a warrior and Ertugruls one and only true love. We knew this would attract all Ertugrul fans, and we were right.

We initially were looking at round tables for people to sit and eat on, but that really wasnt working for us. In the series people eat whilst sitting on the floor, and they sit on cushions…. I wanted that look and thankfully a shisha place- Bukhoor Lounge, offered us there cushions for our event for free….. without this we never would have pulled off our vision…. A big thankyou Bukhoor Lounge for the seatings.

For Guest speakers we had Ustad Davina Kanani who spoke to us about the coming of Ramadhan and how to make the most of our time, this was a very enriching talk, and very informative because in a week ramadhan was starting. This was followed by Nafisha Kara from the Islamic History Project who spoke about the Ottoman Empire (the non fictational part) once again it was informative and educational. And for the influencers we invited Farah Ferrero who is a leicester blogger and a huge Ertugrul fan, and Flawless by Sumaiyah, another leicester blogger and PA to Zukreat the make up artist, both of whom were delighted to come and also speak at the event. And they did not dissapoint. Thankyou so much ladies. You guys were amazing.

The beautiful Flawless in Action

We also had a suprise visit from Sakina Aleem which was such a delight. My god is this woman a gem, and she evan dressed up for the Part. Thankyou so much for your attendance Sakina Aleem. It was so lovely to meet you and your speech was so beautiful and heartwarming.

Here’s the whole gang starting from left- Me, Afsha, Farah Ferrero, Flawless, Sakina Aleem and Banu.

What is a charity event without food? as the ticket sales started flying, so did our anxiety. We needed food… turkish food to keep up with the theme, we couldnt possibly cook, dress up, set up, and entertain in one day… it was not possible, and Id like to say a huge huge Thankyou to all our sponsers:

We had Nazar bbq house (the best Turkish food in leicester without a shadow of a doubt) who gave us nans and all the delicious mezes including olives.

Wrap and Roll, with there sheesh kebabs in nan! I ate one before event and Yum!

Chaiiwala forever helping out in any events- with their signiture tea

Mother Hubbards– those chicken bites were delicious…

and lastly the team (aka:Me) and Made by Afsha with the set up of all the food which included mocktails, canapes, turkish delight, fruit display and dessert display, as well as the set up of the whole event.

And here’s a short video of the set up before event started,

And a picture of the turnout….

Id just like to say a huge thankyou to each and everyone of You, You all made this possible! (also a big thankyou to my lovely friends who turned up at sillyoclock in the morning to help with the chopping. Would not have done any of this without you)

There are more pics on my instagram highlights. Have a look see how it all went. Just here.

And heres hoping for another event soon.

Love and Regards


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“When They See Us” – Ava DuVerney on Netflix

Based on a true story, Ava DuVerney brilliantly shows the struggle of these 5 young boys of colour, and the reality of how unjust the criminal justice system can be.

The Central Park 5- is what they were famously called. I hadn’t actually heard of them at all. I was 5 years old at the time- and still living in Malawi (my birth country). But you don’t need to know about them or have known them to be able to feel the emotions that are thrown to us whilst watching.

On April 1989, Yusef Salaam, 15, Antron McCray, 15, Kevin Richardson, 14, Raymond Santana Jr 14 and Korey Wise, 16, were sentenced for the brutal rape of a white woman in New York’s Central Park. A Crime they did not commit.

A 4 part series on Netflix, I had the intention of only watching one a day, I ended up watching all 4 throughout the night, and Evan after watching it, I couldn’t get myself to sleep.

The series captures the boys lives from the very beginning, it covers their arrests, the interrogation, the detention, their lives within the jail community, and trying to live with the stigma whilst out into their own communities and the backlash they face. Each boy faced between 5-13 years in jail and when realeased they had lost there childhood within an institution.

Appropriately called “When they see Us” to emphasise that these boys- as well as general boys or any person of colour is seen in the eyes of others. It also highlights the role of the mass media, in encouraging this view, if not adding to the fuel of its consumer.

Ava in this series is brutal in the way she shows the injustice the boys faced- yet in the interview with Oprah Winfrey we are told that she omitted a large part of the boys (now men) lives- as it was something the viewers wouldn’t be able to face. I can’t Evan imagine what this is. As watching this broke me.

The actors and The Exonerated 5.

I cried for these boys, I’m still crying for these men. I’m in awe of how they Evan came out of it alive and how they are carrying on.

The torture they went through, the brutality, especially Korey- who till the end remained firm in not pleading guilty, although he was already paying for the price of something he hadn’t done, is unimaginable and so admirable.

Seeing the men on Oprah broke me more- it put a face to the series. I can’t switch off because it happened. It’s real, and the worst is- it’s probably still happening today.

The Exonerated 5 with Ava DuVerney.

Justice is served, a little to late in my eyes. When the actual rapist confesses to the crime. The Central Park 5 are now “The Exonerated 5” a better deserved name by far. Yet it’ll never change the fact that they lost their childhood. Their traumas will stay will them forever.

I have so much anger, I have so much anxiety, I have so much hurt- yet all I did was watch a series. These men lived it, and yet they compose themselves with the utmost humility and respect.

I recommend viewing this to each and every person, it has lessons for all of us.

If you have watched it- I would love your thoughts.

Love and regards


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